Sugar, Honey or Splenda? Just How Sweet R U?

Dripping Honey, by Balakov, Flickr Creative Commons

Several different articles – and conversations – converged in my brain this morning. It just took about 17 hours for me to get some thinking time for expression.

It started with the piece: Why Flattery is Effective – Research – Harvard Business Review. Definitely worth the read. The gist of it is – we all like compliments. They motivate us. Duh. Let me think, would I rather hear ‘your hair style makes you look matronly… your suit is drab…you were too blunt and pushy in the meeting…your report had no conclusion… you bored the audience to death…OR, would I rather someone told me ‘your hair is lovely/shiny today…your blouse is such a cheerful color…that was terrific diplomacy in a tough meeting…your report supplied important data…you really engaged the audience.’ Hmmmm. Let me give that a NANO SECOND (or less) of thought.

Tell me something good!

The point of the article is that persuasion works best when it’s positive. Even if it’s a lie.

My Twitter pal @Beth_Warren wrote about that recently on her blog post The Fine Art of Lying. And she got some hate mail about it! Go figure. Liars don’t like to be called on it.

But where are we drawing a line? My mother (and maybe grandmother, great-grandmother, all the aunties, who knows how many generations of wise women in the family) used to tell me, “You’ll catch more flies with honey than with vinegar!”. And being the sort of smart-ass, inquisitive, provoking child that I was – I responded with, “Why would I want to catch nasty old flies anyway???” Or something along those lines.

Yea, these many years – ahem, decades – later, I work in the communications business which more often than not is accused of ‘spin’, ‘fabrication’ (another polite word for lying), or ‘misleading’ through messaging. And sadly it can be true. Advertising plays on our emotions A LOT, if it’s any good. And if we feel happy, flattered, engaged, we feel better about that brand.

But what about authenticity? How far should we go to be diplomatic, kind, ‘sweet’? As Beth pointed out, when your best friend or partner asks you ‘does this make my ass look fat?’ – are you supposed to give an honest answer? As my wise husband would reply (who should have been a diplomat) it’s a losing ‘Do you still beat your wife?‘ kind of setup.

I’d like to think we provide our clients with truth whenever possible. However, there are occasions when the direct and literal response may be a harmful one. So – I lie. Or ‘fib’, or dissemble, prevaricate, tell tall tales, make oblique references…

You get it. We all get it. It’s the way we agree to enact social discourse. I’m thinking Jane Austen – all the ‘nicey nice’ phrases to describe someone, more often resorting to what they are ‘not’ rather than what they ‘are’.

Perhaps this is a ramble brought about by many thoughts. Trying to decide if sweetening things up – with the real deal, or the artificial stuff – is what we need to motivate each other.

On that note, I think I’ll have a truffle and sleep on it.

-Donna